What is Success?

This week, Writer’s Digest had an interesting article that asks “How do you as an author define success?” I have found this question plaguing me as I go through my 20’s. I don’t have a husband and kids. I have the degrees that some circles define as success, but still struggle to make ends meet. I also find different circles in society disagree on what defines success. So it comes down to my definition, but it’s tough to answer. Yet, over the yeas, my viewpoint of success has always gone back to my writing. Am I writing consistently? Am I attending conferences and book signings? Am I active in my pursuit of the dream?

I always talk of the dream of writing, but I think it is a good idea to know what that dream entails. Is it a publisher? Is it a few book signings in a year? Is it simply writing stories? When I was little, when people would ask, I proclaimed I wanted to be a New York Times Bestseller. This response always elicited the same response, a slight giggle and endearing look. When I really started listening, I figured out just how limited this dream is. Something to long for? Sure. Something to rest the definition of success on? Maybe that’s too unrealistic. Okay. What about a big NY publishing house? Not as selective, but some horror stories start to suggest maybe taking the time to achieve this would not necessarily guarantee “success.”

 

Bottom line, I want to be a writer. I want to file my taxes and put that as my profession. I want to sit on a plane and that be my answer when the person next to me asks what I do for a living. I don’t want to maintain two categories: the writing life and the work life. Therefore, my definition of success is being able to sustain myself on my novels. I have met many who proclaim that even this dream is farfetched. There are a lot of books out there. There are a lot of authors out there. And, more importantly, there are a whole lot of aspiring writers out there. The odds are not promising. But I know my drive. I could have thousand followers on Twitter and sell books in my home town but still feel something missing. It’s not that these things wouldn’t mean anything to me. I love the followers I currently have. They keep me pushing. But “success” by my definition is to make writing more than a hobby done in spare time. I want it to be my only job. Then, I will feel successful….

However, all who know me are probably calling me a liar. Because, when this goal is achieved, I will strive for something more. It is my nature to never be satisfied with my current achievements. I’m hoping that is the key in my pursuit of a dream I’ve had since I was twelve.

A Good Workout

Recently, I had to take two weeks off from working out at the gym. I had a lot of great excuses keeping me away those two weeks, but it was rough to get back into the routine. To start, my mind was no longer focused in that direction, which is a nice way of saying I got lazy. It’s easier NOT to go than to actually drag myself there, my schedule a little looser. This is funny because, when in the habit, I crave going to the gym. How quickly the mind falters. When I finally drag myself back, the inevitable happens. It is super hard. The speed in which I used to run decreases and the duration I used to be able to accomplish seems like an unachievable goal. It is harder to move my legs and harder to find sync with my steps. The weights I used to lift, in fact the same weights I was debating on increasing, now feel like semi-trucks. It was just two weeks. When compared to the months I spent going, this seems minute. How quickly our body stumbles.

Why bring up my workout routine in a blog about writing? Because, as I struggled to achieve a respectable workout today, I was presented with a physical example of what happens to those who stop writing. While involved in a routine, things come smooth. Words flow onto paper, our little muse whispering words of brilliance…okay that might be an exaggeration, but you get the point. Everything is happy. During this time, I begin pushing myself further, challenging my ability and growing, just like increasing weights or running speed. Things are great. Then life comes. It has some really awesome excuses. Things hinder my routine and soon I “take a break.” I dive into life and plow through without ever turning back to writing. Then, what used to be something craved turns into something that must be planned for. It’s time to schedule time to get back, it’s time to force myself to write…imagine making this statement about something I love, yet it is no less true then the gym.

 

Then I’m writing again and, just like the gym, things come slow and stifled. My muse is daydreaming and not speaking. I may have to snap its attention back a few times, urging inspiration to come to me. Even worse, those things I was pushing toward seem unreachable as I backslide in ability. I don’t know if many writers think of this, I never used to. I think, because the writing ability is relatively abstract, we forget that it needs to be nurtured just like a good workout. The older I get, the more this rings true to me. I would like to say that, after having a perfect physical example laid before me, I would promise never to stray from my writing routine ever again. But this would be foolish and a flat out lie. After all, life does create some very good excuses.

The Need to be Social

Every year about this time I start to question why I want to write. It’s difficult. Not everyone will like my work. I still have a day job so can’t be very successful. All of these thoughts permeate my thoughts and drive me to question what type of life I want to live. Do I want to continue to fill my spare time writing, fill my thoughts with stories? If you have been reading this blog long, you would know my answer. I cannot imagine giving up writing. It is who I am. If I give up, then I would have to go through a big identity crisis most accept only when encountering “mid-life.”

But it never fails. This time of year the thoughts come around again to question my drive. The cause is simple. Ever since I was fifteen, I have been attending writer’s conferences. And, typically, these conferences happen in the fall and winter months. I need that yearly rejuvenation. I need to mingle with other writers. I need to feel inspired by stories. There is nothing more exhilarating than talking with other writers. Knowing they think like I do, that they love the same thing I do. We swap stories, swap recommendations and just recharge the batteries.

I once read that writers tend to suffer from bouts of depression, more so than the average person. I think many can recall depressed writers in history…Poe comes to my mind. I remember feeling relieved when I heard this. I know, I know. That sounds crazy. But I often find myself, especially when I am alone for hours on end, drifting into my thoughts. My mood shifts and I feel the weight of melancholy. I never understood it. I am a happy individual. I am blessed with a great family and awesome friends. Yet, these moments would come. But, even crazier, the moments often lead to the greatest breakthroughs in my writing. I have the best ideas and the biggest surge in these times. I can’t explain it, but I know it exists.

Part of the reason I think writers tend to be depressed is that it is a solitary job. In fact, if others are in the room while I’m writing, it often stifles everything. I need to be alone. I need to let my characters keep me company. I love it on some levels and hate it on others. What I love of conferences is that social piece otherwise missing. I can mingle with people like me. I can socialize with others who know what it means to have voices in their head (and not think of a tight, white jacket). It’s time to start looking for the next writer’s conference. It’s time to recharge my batteries. It’s time to steal away from the glow of my computer screen and seek out human contact. That’s the only way to stay out of the history books as yet another lonely, depressed, drunk writer.

The Warm Up

It seemed like for a long time when I attended conferences, everyone was selling a writing prompt book. Many proclaimed they would strengthen character development or writing suspense. As a young writer, I would purchase these books, excited to “be” in the business. I laugh now because these books have sat untouched on my shelf at home along with other books proclaiming the key to writing the next breakout novel or the best mystery novel. They make me “look” like a writer at the very least. I mean, when you walk into a professor’s office you would expect to see text books in their field. When you walk into a lawyer’s office, you would expect to see law books. Likewise, when you walk into a writer’s “office” you would expect to see books on the craft of writing. The difference is I would certainly hope the professor and lawyer actually read the books on their shelves. But for me, my books turned into nothing better than those cardboard cutouts used to “fill” shelves in furniture stores.

My problem was I never saw the point of writing prompts. I wanted to write novels. When time is of the essence, I felt I couldn’t afford to waste time writing paragraphs that would not contribute to my bigger piece of work. What I didn’t realize was how beneficial the shorts are to the wheels of inspiration. I think I missed this because, if I really think about it, I was actually doing writing prompts in college. A teacher says write a page paper on this or a creative writing class says write a page description of your backyard, etc. I thrived in these classes because the words just flow for me. I think writing prompts are kind of like a warm up before a big race. Since college, I haven’t really done writing prompts…it’s not like my boss is going to assign one to me. I didn’t realize what I was missing until I started Pandora’s Blog.

 

For the past two weeks, I have developed a character blog for my Atlantis series. They are short, no more than 500 words, glimpses into one of my character’s life. As I’m writing, I can feel the wheels start to turn. It spurs thoughts on other stories. My mind begins “thinking” more. On the drive to work, in the shower, while cooking or walking the dogs. At all these moments of rest, my mind begins to wander. I know it used to do more of this, but, recently, not so much. It is actually rare I focus on writing during these times. But, since the blog, it has started again. So refreshing. Maybe those people all those years ago really knew what they were talking about.

A Fairy Tale Life

I saw a commercial this week about the DVD release of Snow White and the Huntsmen. Even without Charlize Theron knocking out a top notch evil witch, I think this move was destined to enthrall me. It speaks to my literature side. Fairy tales always captured me more so than the average story. They grip me deep inside and tug at my creative wheels. Even more so, I enjoy anything that takes the typical fairy tale and twists it to something more adult.

Let’s face it. Grimm’s tales were not very “child-appropriate.” In fact, I laugh when I think of them as being children’s stories. But, we, after all, have a sick way of entertaining children. For instance, have you ever really listened to the words of rock-a-bye baby on the treetop? If not, you really should…and then remember we tend to sing it to children…in that sickening sweet tone...but then again my mind did come up with The Lord of Nightmares, so it could be just me. But I digress. The point is the mixture of childhood fairy tale and the sting of reality is a combination that rarely fails with me. Movies like Ever After and Red Riding Hood steal my attention from the mention of the plot. Even the TV show Once Upon a Time has clutched onto my attention.

What is it about fairy tales? For me, I think part of it relates to the reason I became and English major in the first place. I love the story. I love the plot. And I absolutely love to make connections. One of the exercises we would do in British literature was to connect allusions in pieces to other works…typically the Bible. Knowing the story and seeing the twist brings a smile to my face. But, I think it goes to a deeper level. While I would never…ever…go back to my teenage years, I would love to go back to my elementary years. Things were so innocent. Worries were so minor in comparison to now. Life was just simpler. The stories held innocence as well. But, I am now grown. Life is more complicated and the world is a little darker. The idea of bringing that innocence out of drawings and into physical existence completes the evolution. It takes me back to those feelings upon first hearing the stories and it connects it to the person I am today. Besides, who could deny the appeal of a little magic in the real world? But, hey, if that sort of thing didn’t speak to me then I am writing in the wrong genre.

Teaming up???

Someone in one of my reading groups mentioned their favorite author is writing a series cooperatively with another author. She was nervous about whose voice the story would sound like. I marveled at this, because my mind never goes there when I think of multi authors. It boils down to a difference in thinking. A reader is more concerned about the result. Rightly so. As an author, I always wonder about the process.

My process is so internal. If I get stuck, I will go to my mother for help. As a side note, I actually see the value in having another writer help with these dilemmas. I once had a writer friend I would swap pieces with for a different take. A reader will say, this doesn’t work or this passage needs to be re-worded. An author will say, the plot structure falls apart here or if you move this paragraph down it will create more suspense. Besides this occasional questioning, the writing process is trapped inside of me.

I don’t outline. I don’t do a plot structure. I basically have an idea, sit at my keyboard, and start pounding. The story drives itself. Do I think of where I want to go next? Absolutely. I even plan a few things out. But most of what I uncover is by chance. I will stumble onto a scene and think, “you know, this would be a great connection with what was established in chapter two.” I guess with the lack of plan, I wonder where a second writer would fit in. Do they have to outline and do plot structures? Do they have to do character analysis charts? I imagine if they are not on the same page with their characters, it is bound to show in behaviors and situations. How much time is spent planning and brainstorming and how much time is spent writing? Do they go over each other’s work before continuing?

Which brings me to another question. Who writes what? Do they agree that they alternate chapters or do they sit in the same room and compose jointly? When I was growing up, I romanticized writing with someone. I, of course, thought about having a spouse as a writer. I think I had heard of a famous pair. Anyway, I thought if I could just find someone who had mastered the art of prose then I could mix that with my dialogue skills and…bam!...we’d be a multimillion dollar combination. I have since given up this dream for all the questions above. I mean, what writer would let me tell them to sit back while I write the skeleton of the story so they can fill in the gaps later? As a person, I’m a control freak. I want to control my story, my characters, my direction. I don’t think it is in me to compromise and let someone else take the reins. I actually hate class exercises that do this. But, who knows what the future brings?

Character Journals

There is a new trend in blogging, or at least new to me, that I have recently discovered. People blog journal entries for their characters. The idea baffled me until I stumbled upon a blog that does this. The entries are relatively short. As I read it, the ideas started to turn. I have one series that is in the works. Currently The Curse of Atlantis is the first published, but I have finished a second book and have started on the third. I love this series. I never would have thought I would write one, but the characters just captured me. I thought, it would be perfect to do a journal entry for Pandora. She has been through a lot. The trouble is, how to do it so as not to give anything in any of the books away. But it would also be a great way to explore this world I created and have fallen in love with.

The first obstacle I have when thinking about this blog is capturing the character. I can’t write her as she currently is…she’s had three books of experiences most have not read. I must write her as she was at the end of the first book. As I thought, I remember a writing book I once read. CreativeJuice by Terra Pressler is a book I purchased as a teen. It is meant as a prompt book to help create authentic writing. I never used it for this, but what I did use it for was to build a character breakdown sheet. I looked through the prompts and put them together into a worksheet. It is by far the best way for me to dive into who my characters are. It actually helped me write The Lord of Nightmares. That was such a weird character, when I first wrote it, he came off feeling flat. After, I using the worksheet, I would like to think it fleshed him out some. I decided for this week’s blog, I’d share the information. Hopefully it will help you whether you are diving into a character from another author or one you’ve created.

Name:
Age:
Health and appearance:
Occupation:
Educational background:
Marital history:
Family background:
Intelligence level:
Values/Spiritual beliefs:
               How tightly held 1-10:
Greatest desire:
Greatest obstacle to that desire:
Goals/dreams:
Deepest fear:
Need to control environment 1-10:
Self esteem:
Where live: